To everyone

This is being written for a whole bunch of people. One of these stories pertains to each one of you. You will know which one you pertain too once you read it. Hopefully it will be obvious to you. And if it isn't, your just too oblivious looking at yourself and your feelings other than other peoples feelings.



I feel like there is something missing from my life. Is it real love? Is it thrill and adventure? Is it the love I long for from my family? I have no clue. Some of me really wants that one person who will make me feel ultimately complete yet I have no clue where to find him, or her. My life is spiraling downward as I live it. I can see it in the midst of the downward spiral motion. Its not pretty, at all. I wish I could fix it yet I don't know how. I have been told many times before that i'm loved, and I believed it. In the end, I was hurt so bad I had suicidal tendencies. Those lasted for a very long time. I had hurt myself because other people had hurt me. I've been so close to death before I basically lost the hope I had. That hope was that someone would come to my rescue, and save my life. Like on a white horse bearing a shield and sword encrusted with emeralds and diamonds to save me from the giant troll or wicked witch that ended up being me in disguise. I had lost all hope. Finding someone that fit the job title was like your throat being parched and letting your tongue be drenched in water. You don't know how long i've waited for someone like you, you really don't. You were that someone who came on a white horse to kill myself in disguise. I never knew there was someone out there like you. You saved my life.

I love you so much. I don't really think you have any idea how much I do actually. Just always remember that im so deeply in love with you. Im infatuated with you. You are a dream come true.

Now for the darker side of things;

I dont know whats making me feel this way but somehow I want to seek adventure and thrill. In ways my family would never expect me to do. I feel the urge to drink hard liquor and do drugs. Not the light high drugs but the dark drugs that makes your nerves go crazy and that make you want to do everyone and everything. I want to feel that. Don't get me wrong, I've never been drunk and ive never experimented or done drugs and I dont know what will happen when I do. Yet I find myself having all of these urges like never before to do bad things. I want to be a bad girl. Invite me to one of your parties please, you don't know how good I would feel if I were just invited.

This brings me to my next "want". I want to feel so beautiful that everyone wants me. I want to feel everyones eyes on me when I walk down the hallways of school. I dont want mental beauty or beauty that comes from inside, well I do want that, but I also want physical beauty. Why cant you people see how beautiful I am on the outside? Why can't you compliment me on a regular basis? WHY CANT I BE BEAUTIFUL TO YOU!!! I cant tell you all of the things I would give up for physical beauty because there are too many things to list. Honestly.

Now this is to the people who ONLY see the physical beauty. Not the beauty from the inside. Are you too shallow to see what your doing to me in addition to other people like me? I know im not the prettiest of the bunch but hey guess what, I have feelings to you know. I see the way you look at me, I hear everything you say. I can't believe you. But theres a catch to what your doing, everytime you make fun of me your getting a little uglier inside, and the beauty from the inside matters to some people and to them you wont be that attractive anymore. Goodluck with your looks in life, I bet you they will get you as far as a hooker in Atlantic City

To the people who love to spread my secrets that I trusted you with. Do you think it really hurts me that you love to tell people about my personal life? Heres the answer. It does. It really does. Especially when people like you bend the truth in akward little positions that it makes other people look at me differently. Yes everyone, I am bisexual if you heard that rumor around the school thats spreading like aids that came from the hookers from my earlier story. But no its not true that im an attention gay. If you don't know what an attention gay is well its someone who gets drunk at parties and for attention they makeout with the same sex. AKA attention gay. When I say im bisexual I mean it. Oh and you can stop spreading the other rumors about me too kay?

Im done for the darkness I believe.


I want to add on to the first story. To the person who I believe actually loves me for who I am. These are some of the reasons that made me the way I was when I wanted to die. You saved me from these.

Thank you.